Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
