I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
