I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
