Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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