He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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