i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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