i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
