FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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