I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
