guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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