If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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