you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize