Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
