On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
