Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
