My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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