Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
