I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
