sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
