every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
