mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
