Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
