I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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