I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
