There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
