I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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