She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
