We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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