so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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