The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
