i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
