I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
