at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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