I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
