So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
