Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
