Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
