My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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