His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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