dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
is that a dick in a sweater?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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