he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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