It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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