Tell her she can't have a vagina
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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