I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
