birth control should be required to get into college
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
