it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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