In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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