just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
