Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
