my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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