Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
