ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we're so committed to being not committed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
