so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
