so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
