$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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