I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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