So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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