yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
