he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
