i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Houston, we have a squirter
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
