Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
