It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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