Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
