Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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