My nipple is on Facebook.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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