I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
