I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
