Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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