have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
