maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
